STRONGER
- Thembi M Fletcher
- Aug 1, 2017
- 7 min read
Sometimes life brings detours that you never really expected. Mine came in a season when everything in my life was finally starting to make sense.......
Earlier this year, I made up my mind to start living on purpose and enjoy life. I was determined to go through the process of doing so by embracing the character change that would have to take place.
The first couple of weeks into the year were the most progressive and productive-motivating me to keep moving. My blog was doing extremely well, my husband and I had finally finished setting up the recording studio for operation, and crazy enough, my attempt to write a manuscript for a book wasn't working out so bad either; and the greatest blessing that added icing to the cake, was finding out that I was pregnant in the first week of March..................
The pregnancy was unexpected because Shane and I weren't planning on having another baby just yet. But, we were very excited all the same because God had chosen to bless us with another life at a time that we believed He had chosen. Shane had proposed that we surprise his parents by telling them the wonderful news during service on Sunday. Both pops and oma were very pleased to receive the news and the rest of the congregation applauded in thanks for what God had done. It was a joyous time for all of us. After service ended, we went home and contacted my parents in Zambia, and told them the good news.
I wanted to keep the pregnancy discreet, for reasons that were unclear to me at the time. But, I knew that the time would come when we would share the news with the public (on Social Media)........... I also knew that challenges were going to arise during the journey; I wasn't oblivious to that fact. In fact, I was prepared to face them head on and fight until I got to the other side. The only thing I did not expect was where, when, why, and how they were going to come. So I started praying in the direction of coming out on the other side. I asked God to help me get ready for the test. I prayed for the baby I was carrying, and asked God for specific instructions on what I should do during my pregnancy. The Holy Spirit dropped the book of Jeremiah in my spirit. I was convinced that that was the book He desired me to study and speak over my unborn child for the next nine + months. As I began to study the scripture, specific verses jumped off the pages......
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as my chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jeremiah 1:5-
This portion of scripture gave me assurance that God had everything under control, and all I was going to have to do was trust Him with everything....And so a new journey begun-a very exciting one. Like a lot of mothers out there, I started looking at baby clothes, and thinking about baby names. I tried to make predictions about the gender of the baby. And of course, I started noticing all the other pregnant women around me. Unfortunately, I had very little time to rest, with a toddler to keep an eye on, and all the projects that we were working on. I decided to come up with a plan that would help me to stay on top of my game and make the necessary adjustments to stay healthy. The pregnancy was going pretty well, and I had the usual symptoms, expect for nausea, thank God! I was also extremely fatigued, and so taking a trip to Ohio for spring break, helped me slow down......
After returning from visiting family in Ohio around late March, I noticed that something was not quite right with the pregnancy. Although, I had the symptoms, there was no evidence of any physical changes whatsoever. But, then I was still in the early stages of my pregnancy. After all, some women don't start showing until they reach the 20 week mark. All I could do was wait it out.
A week of normal, everyday activity went by. Suddenly, on the night of March 24th, I received the biggest warning that something was definitely wrong. I told my husband that I was bleeding (lightly), and we decided to wait it out again until morning, or at least until it got worse. It was the first time that I had stayed awake all night, involuntarily. With my eyes staring blankly at the ceiling, I begun to pray.
'
YOU ARE THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE.' I repeated this phrase over and over again. I couldn't think of anything else to say. 'God please save my baby!' Would have probably been a good choice, but it just didn't come to mind for some reason. There was dead silence in the room after I stopped praying. I moved closer to Shane to see if he was okay. He was sound asleep. Isabella was comfortably burried under his arm. The two of them slept like babies. I smiled as I turned my back on them. It was at that moment, that I knew that everything was going to be okay.
On the morning of March 25th, Shane and I woke up pretty early and started getting ready to go to the emergency room at Navarro Regional hospital.
"Can I tell you something babe?" I asked him. He nodded. "I don't feel pregnant anymore." I said. He turned towards me and gave me a look of reassurance that we were going to be fine. I felt the immense peace in the room as we finished getting ready. It was peace that I had never experienced before...........
When we arrived at the hospital, I went through the usual routine tests. Everything came out fine until, I got the sonogram tests done. A sweet young lady from Michigan I think ran the tests. I could tell from her blank stare at the screen that something didn't seem quite right. After a few minutes in and no heartbeat, I candidly asked her to tell me the truth. "Nothing is certain yet." She replied in her soothing low toned voice. "I will let the OB look at the tests, and he will let you know everything that you need to know." She said reassuringly. As soon as she was done, she escorted my husband--daughter and I back to the examination room. She also recommended that I get a vaginal ultra-sound to run more tests. So I did and the test results matched those of the prior tests that had been taken. Time snailed it's way through the waiting process and all I could think about was to let go and trust God.
"But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ ( the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!"
-2 Corinthians 12:9-
Before the doctor walked in the room, Shane turned towards me and said; "Whatever happens after this, I want you to know that I trust God." The butterflies in my stomach got much worse. The doctor had the test results. He candidly shared the news with us. The tests were inconclusive, but he was afraid that I was probably going to miscarry. Both Shane and I did not react in the way that anyone could have expected. We thanked him for his help and went on our way. I was scheduled to see another doctor in the next couple of weeks to run some more tests, but somehow I knew that everything had changed. No one really knows why miscarriages occur. Scientists have their theories about them, but ultimately, only God knows.
Two weeks after my visit to the hospital, the process of passage finally began. I was so confused, but yet still had perfect peace like I knew something that everyone else didn't. I prayed for closure and grieved for a while. My heart felt empty for a time, and I started dreaming about what the baby would have looked like If I had carried him/her for a full term. I then began to wonder how many women had gone through such a heart-breaking experience, and how many of them made it to the other side or if they made it at all.......
The entire process took seven whole days to complete. It seemed like the longest seven days of my entire life. I had promised myself that I wasn't going to ask God why, and I didn't, at least not to my knowledge. I was confident that for whatever reason our loss had occurred, all things were working together for our good. Because we loved God, and we were called according to His purpose.
Life has never been the same since. I have new found perspective. I now have the desire to enjoy and celebrate life all the more--to take risks every now and then--to not limit myself or put limits on God on what He is able to do--to love the people around me and show them that there is hope.......Hope in pain, or trouble, or affliction, or even death(for those that have received Jesus).
My husband and I have developed an even closer bond and are working on being better parents for Isabella everyday...............
There is so much more that I would like to share with you, but for now this is all I have to give.
God Bless!
Love Thembi.
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